lesbianism
4/3/2025
feeling: lonelylistening to: nothing
I had a lovely conversation today with a good friend over the phone today. I'm still at my cousin's house. I was asked 2 go 2 my nanas house today because she was alone but as soon as I got there the cousin that is supposed to be staying there showed up. Felt a bit insulted and didnt bother staying.
Anyways back to the convo – friend mentioned julia fox is a lesbian, cool. We then started talking about our own gay experiences. I kind of feel lonely. At the time of me writing this I still havent officially broken up with my partner but as I mentoned before, it feels like it. My closest my friend is a lesbian. I wish I knew more lesbians irl.
I tried going to more lesbian/gay events and had fun at all of them – but it was one of those 'you meet cool people once and you never see each other again'. Not necessarily bad but I wish I had a larger lesbian community.
Also keep meeting lesbians at punk shows. Idk why but I love that. I think we all gravitate towards each other. Makes me really happy. I should try and reach out a lot more. I have the contacts of ppl I have met at these events and shows but I feel like im intruding. they all have busy lives. Sometimes I wish I could move to a lesbian commune or something.
2020's dont give way for community do they? Sitting in lockdown changed the way ppl interact idk. Or maybe I view pre-covid society through rose-coloured glasses. I know im not trying hard enough but the lonliness of adulthood is awful I dont know how ppl my age are going to make it to old age if we keep going at rate.
I keep contemplating over the thought of reinstalling dating apps, but I dont need or want a rebound. I just want more lesbian friends.
Im not out yet to my family, most of them are homophobic. I know they'll have to get cut off eventually. I think its common for gay ppl to cut off their family members. Part of me is relived my mum is dead. I dont have to deal with her freaking out over her child being a lesbian (she was a devout christian and towards the end of her life she was like. Carrie's mum level christian).
Part of why ive started to wish/want to date someone who doesnt really have/isnt in close contact with their family (kind of ex is pretty close with their family and is out and I would feel sad everytime I left his home) Idk i'll get into it later. idk why im suddenly really sad and all I can think about is my lesbianism. Specifically wanting more lesbian friends.
I kind of want to throw up a flyer asking other lonely lesbians to come and hang out with me at my apartment but I dont know how well that would go over. I probably will do this one day, not at my apartment but def some kind of event where I can hang out with other lonely lesbians who want more lesbian friends.
ps. if you are a lonely lesbian reading this or just a lesbian who wants to talk please do!!! leave a message in my guestbook!