i am finally able and ready to write my essay. i got over my anxiety of failing because as long as i just follow the guide ive been given as closely as i can and i make a strong argument i should be fine. even if i dont get the best grade, i surely cant fail.
incase you are wondering what my essay is about... its going to cover gimmicks in film! i am going to talk about all the instances where immersive 'gimmicks' like 3D and 4D, smell-o-vision and its descendants were only ever sucessful for a short amount of time before going obsolete. I want to evaluate why this keeps happening and if we will ever get these kinds of gimmicks again/if they'll be effective considering its harder to get people to go to the cinema these days because of streaming (with exceptions of course!).
i thought starting off with research via youtube and skimming articles from major publications would help me ease into writing but it made it worse. all i had to do was read.
i decided to read "Streaming Culture: Subscription Platforms And The Unending Consumption Of Culture" as a way for me to do some research on how streaming impacts how people interact with film today and it made me want to write. all those video essays i couldnt get through were definitely holding me back.
i stayed up all night - went to bed at 4am, just reading and doing further research and it really helped build my confidence. I have been struggling to watch anything lately, but i have no problem reading articles and books and I think its a good thing that i dont want to sit in front a screen all day and i actually want to read!!!
i have 4 DAYS to write a 5k word essay. I know i can do it. I wrote a 1.2k word paper for my univeristy application in 1 (one) evening. if i aim to write around 1k-2k words a day i'll be okay.
the scratch and sniff card for john waters' "POLYESTER" and a billboard for ICE AGE 3 in 3D! (fun fact, this was the first film i ever saw in the cinema...) i dont think ive mentioned that i have had a facination with billboards and bus adverts for films since i was a kid and i would always take photos of any i saw when i had my little samsung smartphone (somebody stole it from me so loads of childhood photos are missing. it makes me really sad!!)
I never really got the appeal of cat videos when i was younger. i think getting older and lonliness have changed me. i cant stop watching cat videos.
i know its just because i wish i owned a cat, a little friend i could cuddle after a long day and have a little chat to. so i watch cat videos in place of that.
i am also obsessed with other people in my life's cats. i frequent my cousin's house just to play with her cat, i do the same when my sister is going back to her foster carer's house to look after it/help her out. i just want to say hello to the cats.
i just love cats so much. most of them love to do their own thing, but they can also be pretty silly at times too and its so funny to watch.
here are some cat videos i love!!
i love this channel in particular. i love how his cats probably arent listening (most of the time) to his convos but they still hang around him and let him talk.
the cats of istanbul!!!
snow!
4/1/2026 00:05am
i love that its snowing. snowing at the start of the year. and it looks so cute. its not deep enough to build a snowman or anything though!
photos:
i think im going to make a substack? or a blogspot. might even revitalise my youtube channel
im not in it for attention or money or whatever. i just want to get my thoughts out.
i was going to make a unpopular opinions post on here but i feel like thats not appropriate.
i miss making youtube videos. but i am at a stage in my life where i am judged and hovered over for trying to have any hobbies. im very tired of getting made fun of for doing anything so i prefer to not do them infront of anybody, including to record a youtube video. I also just feel very uncertain of my future right now (as in, when will i be able to move out?) and i just think adding maintaining a youtube channel right now will add to my anxieties. i know there are other ways for me to make videos, like animating or doing it podcast style. idk i'll figure it out.
neocolonialism prevails. may all imperialist states go up in flames
3/1/2026 9pm
i just woke up from my nap and hello?
The US fucking bombing NIGERIA and VENEZUELA within the last 2 weeks... "We're gonna run the country".... The US will never fail to prove that it is a imperialist terrorist state.
Within the last year the USA has dropped bombs in: Iran, Nigeria, Somalia, Iraq, Yemen, Syria and now Venezuela.
Over the next few days there is going to be all this bullshit about "international law" and that wet rag Keir Starmer is going to jump up and defend the US with something along the lines of "the US has the right to defend itself." I expect nothing more from the king of imperialism.
and I hate that all these things are simply headlnes. almost everything bad in this world is just a headline when it isnt happening to you. it leaves you with a sense of doomerism and helplessness (but that is the approach desired in order for these systems to thrive).
at this point, if i hear a western power has invaded/bombed a country in the global south it is more often than not about fucking OIL.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
1/1/2026
we are no longer in 2025. i am so glad.
i really think and hope this year will be promising. I have the foresight of graduation upon me, maybe also the right job may fall into my lap this year!
i just think, from a astrological perspective the year of 2026 is supposed to the year of change and growth, especially for those with cancer placements. The moon on Janurary 3rd will be a super wolf moon that enters CANCER. I do believe the stars will be in my favour this year.
my new years eve was ok, it ended the way i thought it would - but i entered the new year in a very peaceful way.
first realisation i made this year was that smoking of any kind is just not for me. i decided to give in and buy a vape. it made me feel sick. im still glad i got to test it out. i wanted to end 2025 by doing something i was strongly against.
i have very few new years resolutions. they mostly revolve around meeting more people, trying out more things i've been too afraid to do, and just trying to get my work done and graduate.
i also think i need to find a new outlet for my anger. i'm thinking of getting a gym membership or something. just something to release the tension.
in regards to this site? i have no new goals. i have barely finished anything on here! so im going to continue working on those
i have been so negative and angry these past few weeks, so i am going to make a post looking back at all the things i enjoyed about 2025.
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