21/8/2025
hey!!
i disappeared again for a while... alot has happened. here are some bullet points
- finally got some university applications in!- remember when i was crying over university? well, i had to go back home for some stuff and got harrassed again. it really pushed me to get some late applications in so i could fuck off finally and just move on from this bullshit. not even angry at the harrassment anymore. just tired and annoyed. that bitch is like a fly that won't quit even after you spray the can of raid at it and open a window to lure it out. I've recieved an offer from one school already! its a univeristy that accepts anybody as long as you didnt fail your undergrad study but if that is my ticket to moving out then so be it!! i'm still waiting to hear from other schools, but its unlikely i'll get into any more than this other school im really hoping to get into. which im fine with. things are looking up!
- doppped out of the live coding summer camp - at first i thought i could just get through the classes but it honestly got too much for me. i have been so depressed lately i just couldn't keep it up. on top of the students not really wanting to talk to me and then the teachers/older adults in charge also showing signs of them being uncomfortable around me, i also couldn't get any music or visuals i thought were good enough to perform with in time for the 26th. i need atleast 3 months for this kind of stuff. all of this made me so anxious i got physically sick later on in the day and had to hide in the bathroom. been thinking about how signs of autism and being neurodivergent aren't seen that way for black femmes like me. people probably just think im another angry black woman and thats why they don't want to be around me. idk i just had to give it up
- been creative again - a while ago i met this older lady at a conference discussing the affects of generative AI today and we've been friends ever since. she needs help with decluttering and we've been upcycling her stuff! we made 2 bags together. i'll post them under the cut. she's also teaching me how to use a sewing machine again (i've forgotten alot because i havent used one since 2023) and its really fun. shes super patient with me. i have tons of other ideas for stuff i want to make!!
click 2 see photos!
bag 1 - was made with a large piece of scrap fabric she had and pieces of fabric with fish on them. i had never made a bag from scratch but this was pretty easy?
bag 2 - made with a mini skirt she had. we actually just sewed another fabric bag inside of the skirt but i think it came out really cute!!!!!
- getting ready for a bunch of lesbian parties and club nights - missed all the summer events because i havent been doing well financially this summer but i think this autumn/winter i'm going to make a better effort (and will be in the right mind) to go to these things. been feeling really lonely rn because i havent been to any lesbian centric events since JUNE. i need to be around my dykes again. i need to feel sexy and free. it will happen soon. and these happening during halloween is perfect. its my favourite holiday!!!!!
6/8/2025
i want to go the cinema!!
loads of movies i want to check out this summer. havent felt this way about film in a while. i think im so sad my love for film is rising again. i need something that will bring me comfort and film is there for me.
weapons is coming out this friday, but i'm going to a free screening of the virgin suicides with a friend (its at their university film society).
i was thinking of doing a double bill with together when that comes out next week because i think it would be fun to spend all day at the cinema (also together comes out when my money comes in so......)
there is also the pseudo sequel/reboot? naked gun that im suprisingly eager to see. although i might just wait to watch that one when its available for home viewing.
this film i keep forgetting is even coming out (these streaming services are doing thee spike lee dirty wtf!!) due to a24 and apple just refusing to market and advertise it until now (and very little at that) but the latest spike lee joint highest 2 lowest looks interesting. like most of lee's work.
i keep going but honey don't! will probably be a film i won't like as i really disliked the first film in this lesbian trilogy - drive away dykes dolls . i love the concepts and ideas in these films, but i think it was a mistake getting ethan coen to direct these (i know he is your lavender husband tricia cooke but like... these films just arent coming out right!!!)
the newest film im super eager to see is the toxic avenger. it was shelved after it premiered at fantastic fest in 2023, despite its positive reaction due to how gory and violent it is, leading to no studio or company wanting to distribute it until now..... its now coming out this august and im so excited!!!!!! i read somewhere this film's violence is along the same lines as itchy and scratchy??? im sorry that sounds so fun. i have a feeling i will like it alot more than the original.
was looking at the toxic avenger in google images and found this. its what prompted this post actually. movies i want to see!!!
image source
my period is about to start so i think thats why all i want to do is cry and complain about shit.
this university shit is getting to me lol im typing this with tears running down my face.
i will try to make the HTML day post tomorrow. i think im going to watch a movie or the silver surfer animated show (i watched fantastic four: first steps on friday. it sucked (as per usual with the mcu). i also didnt pay to watch it, my sister got free tickets to see it. you can read my review if you want.
THE FANTASTIC FOUR ARE 4EVER 4UCKED. (review)
my lack of motivation and "laziness" is getting to me
3/8/2025
not sure if i've mentioned on here that i was considering doing a master's degree but that was my plan for a while.
the truth is, i have not had the fucking energy to make my portfolio. i haven't been doing well mentally and i've had to force myself to stay busy i just dont have the energy to work on it.
its also one of those things i would procrastinate alot over. the minute i open blender, phoenix code or anything else i need for my portfolio i get anxious, i start to think my work isnt good enough and then i dont work on it.
i have finally got the energy to code and work on stuff for myself again and all the applications are closed!!!
READ MORE
HAPPY HTML DAY!!!!!
2/8/2025
was going to make a rant post about my day yesterday but didnt want the first post of this month to be negative.(i was also so annoyed i fell asleep before i could open my laptop)
today is HTML day and i'm going to the london event!!! it looks like alot of fun so im excited (and also kind of pushing myself to go so im not miserable at home all day - im assuming the people attending this are also on neocities so im going so i can be around other coders!!)
i will talk about it more later!! hehe
