just need to vent honestly
20/6/2025
this entire month of june really has been so bad. i've just been so tired and angry and annoyed at everything. literally everyone i know has said the same thing, that they are so frustrated rn they just want to fight everyone. i think this month is cursed or something. so many people i know are just GOING THROUGH IT this month. its been so bad.
i still have to sort out my mum's estate. i cant get employed due to these fake fucking jobs on indeed and whatever so now im on benefits and i hate it because i cant do shit. im broke.
i stupidly forced myself to go back to my apartment (im curently back at my grandma's) after the curfew ive set for myself (7am - 1.30pm) because i just wanted get the stuff i needed to sort out over with.
im attending dyke march tomorrow so i wanted to make sure all my clothes and my sign was ready and at my grandma's instead of me having to rush around today (friday)
my neighbour disappeared for a month, i think she had to go to the hospital so i was able to stay at my place harrassment and stalker free. she returned in early june and since then ive gone back to returning home once a week to swap out some stuff etc.
she has decided that she is going to harrass me AGAIN even though she just got out of the hospital..... shes absolutely demonic, thats all i can call her. i dont know what the fuck her problem is but she gets a high from trying to get me upset. i do my best to not react but it still takes a toll on me.
i have spent this entire day crying ans depressed and angry i couldnt even get any of my errands done today. i refuse to spend the rest of this year down there. i am fucking moving out one way or another.
- anyways here is a list of other things that have been pissing me off lately/this month
- mask hostility - when people see me wearing my mask and they start aggressively coughing in my direction. its such a stupid, childish thing to do, thats is going to make me keep my mask on you fucking idiots. i do not understand why people get so upset at masks... im wearing it to protect others and myself.
someone mentioned that some people hate masking because they see it as a effort to make people feel guilt, to show that you do not adhere to norms, or because you are showing you are "scared" of a fake threat. i think it might be due to lockdown being the first time alot of people had to actually reckon with the realities of the world, they couldnt ignorantly go on with their lives so the mask is a reminder of that. - people claiming i look angry and disrespecting me because of it/resting bitch face - do not get me wrong, i dont care about what most people think of me. but lately, and its specifcally been men jump to being rude to me because i "look angry".... like so? ive had to deal with this shit for most of my life. at my last job when people wouldnt want me to serve them because they are just racist, my coworkers would tell me they didnt me want to serve them because i "look angry" when all my coworkers literally looked miserable because we were working minimum wage and had to work insane hours. ive been thinking about the lie of the resting bitch face for some time, especially as someone who is black and my expressions are always read as aggressive and violent because that is what people associate with blackness and how if you are not constantly smiling and dancing around people just label you as rude and angry.
- lack of common courtesy in public again, ever since lockdown was lifted in late 2020, it seems as though people have just lost all sense of courtesy and kindness. its in the little things like not letting people off the train first anymore, getting pushed in front of at the store (this has always been a thing but ive noticed an increase in it over the past year) etc. i will never understand the mentality of trying to make others feel miserable because you are. does there need to be a reward for kindness?
there is alot more i could complain about but its hard to type when my heart is literally pounding from all of this shit
im just pissed off like.... CAN JUNE END ALREADY? THIS MONTH HAS BEEN SO BAD. I THINK I NEED A VACATION.